


You Can Never Really Forget

by whumpitup



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:53:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23720392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whumpitup/pseuds/whumpitup
Summary: TK couldn’t remember the night he was shot.One night, everything comes back to him in his sleep, and Carlos is there to rescue him.(AKA – you ever have a fanfic idea that actually physically hurts your heart to write? Lol)
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 10
Kudos: 206





	You Can Never Really Forget

It had been a few weeks since TK was shot responding to a call with the 126. While it had all seemed so big and heavy at the beginning, over time, TK found himself forgetting.

Once and a while TK would be too ambitious, making too fast a movement, or shifting positions and making his chest scream in protest. He would freeze, grimace, and take a deep breath, allowing the pain to subside. He would be reminded once again that he wasn’t there yet - he still had healing to do, as much as the waiting frustrated him.

He was spending a lot of time with Carlos, now. TK could tell something had shifted between the two of them recently. After they had teamed up to handle the solar flare incident, it was like something had just solidified. The shift was automatic, and maybe permanent. He was happy that was the case.

As much as TK pushed away at the beginning of their relationship, TK always hoped he and Carlos’ relationship would turn into something more. TK initially wanted to run away from the idea of a real relationship with Carlos, scared that he may get hurt like he did with his last boyfriend. But something about Carlos made him feel safe - like it was worth the risk.

Once TK finally opened up about his feelings, Carlos started to put a lot of effort into their time together. He was constantly taking TK to new places in the city, planning elaborate dates, and inviting him over as much as possible. TK originally thought this was due to TK finally giving him the “OK” to move forward, but after a week or so, he pondered if there was another motive behind his heightened effort of intiation.

Was Carlos trying to distract him?

TK noticed Carlos would get this look in his eyes every time TK forgot about the gunshot wound again and ended up hurting himself inadvertently. It was subtle. Carlos probably didn’t even realize he was doing it, but his eyebrows would furrow slightly, his eyes would widen. He looked at TK like he was fragile and was immediately prepared to do whatever it took to protect him from breaking.

TK knew Carlos didn’t intend to show his worry on his face, but he wasn’t very good at hiding his emotions. TK didn’t like seeming weak in front of Carlos (or anyone) but he knew deep-down that Carlos’ concern didn’t come from a place of judgment. So, TK tried to ignore the way it made him feel.

TK wondered if the sudden busy approach to their time together was Carlos’ way to help TK get his mind off of things. The dates, the detailed plans… it was like Carlos was giving TK as many opportunities as possible to forget what happened. They were always doing _something._ Never sitting still long enough for memories to resurface.How would TK tell Carlos he didn’t need to forget something he never remembered in the first place?

Yes, the weight of what happened was intense. He knew he almost died. He knew he had been in a coma. But the rest of it? It was like there was a blank space in his mind that TK just couldn’t get past. That whole experience - the answered call, the kid with the gun, the aftermath - was wiped from his memory. His father had insisted this was a good thing, but TK couldn’t shake feeling like something had been taken from him. It was a bizarre feeling, knowing that everyone else remembered the night he was shot except for him.

One night, when Carlos had invited TK over for a movie date, he thought about talking to Carlos about everything. He wasn’t mad about the way Carlos was acting around him, but he wanted to address it. To explain that he didn’t need Carlos to be so worried about him.

More than anything, TK wanted to express to someone how _off_ he felt.

TK wasn’t good at being vulnerable with his feelings, but it was something his therapist had tried to get him to be better at. Carlos probably wouldn’t be able to offer much advice, considering how weird and personal the situation was to TK, but getting the thoughts out in the open might be helpful. Maybe it would help him process through the uncomfortable feeling of being unable to retrieve the memory of one of the most life-altering events he’d ever experienced.

The lights were low, however, and TK was lying comfortably next to Carlos, under his arm. TK’s head was resting on Carlos’ shoulder, and he felt his eyelids growing heavy with each passing minute. He wanted to talk, but his body resisted. Maybe the conversation could wait until morning. He was exhausted. With a final deep breath, he let sleep overtake him.

* * *

_“One, two, three,”_

TK slammed the battering ram into the door.

_Crack!_

The shot rang out.

TK stumbled back in surprise, gripping the doorframe.

_“Was that a gunshot?”_

TK looked at his father, wanting to say something, anything. But he couldn’t connect his thoughts to his mouth. He couldn’t even pull air into his lungs.

_“TK?”_

He started to fall.

 _“TK!”_ His father shouted.

He was on the ground. His father’s panicked face appeared over him.

 _“Dad—"_ TK started, being interrupted by a painful fit of coughs.

 _“Michelle!”_ Owen shouted, looking over his shoulder.

TK saw the blur of a few teammates rushing into the room in front of him to dissipate the situation they had arrived for.

He felt a warmth spreading across his chest and pooling underneath him. His back arched as pain ripped through his torso. _Holy shit, he was shot._

TK heard himself crying out in pain, though he sounded far away from his own body.

 _“Hey, TK, stay with us! Please, son, look at me_ ,” Owen pleaded, his hands grasping the sides of TK’s face. Michelle was putting pressure on his chest, saying things to him he couldn’t focus on enough to understand. There was commotion everywhere.

_“… hear me?”_

_“… too much blood…”_

_“Get him …. now!”_

TK gasped, desperate for air. He forced out a wet cough, choking on something in his throat. _Was that blood?_

 _“He can’t breathe!”_ Owen shouted, still holding TK’s head in his hands. There were tears falling rapidly down his face. _“TK, please stay with us.”_

Michelle was frantically rummaging through the equipment next to her to find something.

TK used every ounce of remaining effort to grab hold of his dad’s wrist. A pang of guilt gripped him. His dad was watching him die. Again.

 _I’m sorry, Dad,_ he thought to himself. _I’m so sorry._

He tried to hold on to the faces in front of him - to the voices, the pain, anything - but blackness crept at the corners of his vision and pulled him under.

TK woke again in the ambulance. There were paramedics around him, prodding him, moving him, strapping things to him. There was an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, but it didn’t seem to do much. TK felt like he was drowning.

There was too much pressure building in his head. His lungs screamed for oxygen, but he couldn’t get them to cooperate. The heart monitor beeped erratically. TK was panicking. He caught sight of Owen to the left of him. The older man looked pale and terrified, his right hand combing nervously through his hair.

The ambulance hit a bump and TK took in a shuddering gasp, which caught his father’s attention. Owen sat upright. TK’s head lolled to the side to face him. He no longer had the energy to keep it up.

TK reached his hand out weakly. Owen jumped up to take it in his.

 _“Are you with me, son?”_ He asked shakily.

The pain was all-consuming. TK wanted to assure his dad somehow that he would be okay, but apart from his inability to speak, he also felt an overwhelming fear that any assurance would be a lie. He was certainly dying.

 _“Captain Strand, I’m sorry, I’m gonna have to ask you to back up so we can work,”_ one paramedic urged his father.

TK pressed his eyes shut, wanting to stay awake for his dad’s sake, but wanting the pain and struggle to be over. He could no longer tell if Owen had let go of his hand, or if he could just no longer feel it.

The heart rate monitor grew increasingly loud and fast in his ears.

_He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe._

“TK!”

Was that Carlos?

“TK you’re okay! You’re safe!”

That was definitely Carlos. What the hell was he doing there? 

TK kept his eyes pressed shut. He felt strong arms grab him by the shoulders and shake him.

The pain was gone somehow, but TK still couldn’t breathe.

“TK! Look at me! Wake up, please!” Carlos pleaded.

TK obeyed, shooting his eyes open to see Carlos’ worry-stricken face in front of him. TK was hyperventilating. His clothes were drenched in sweat.

“Where am I?” He choked out.

“My house, TK, my house,” Carlos insisted. TK shook his head vigorously, unable to grab a hold of reality. If he was safe, why did it still feel like he was drowning?

“Look at me, Tyler,” Carlos implored in a stern, but consoling voice. TK listened.

“I’m right here. You’re okay, I promise. You need to breathe, alright?” Carlos’ voice broke on his last word. TK noticed he was shaking slightly.

“O-okay,” TK stammered between his short breaths. His head pounded painfully.

“Follow my breathing, okay?” Carlos said. He took in an exaggerated deep breath. TK did his best to replicate it. Carlos exhaled, not releasing eye contact. TK exhaled with him. They repeated this action a few times. TK reached a hand up to his chest, feeling a jolt of unease when his shirt felt damp. He looked down, expecting blood, but seeing sweat. He sighed in relief.

“I thought—” he said softly, unable to finish his sentence. He was starting to relax, but his breathing wasn’t back to normal yet.

“You went back there, didn’t you?” Carlos asked somberly. TK looked up, his eyes threatening to fill with tears.

“I haven’t… been able to remember anything… about that night,” TK said between breaths. “It was like it all flooded back to me, somehow. Like… I lived through it again.”

Carlos frowned, sympathy in his eyes.

“I am so, so sorry, TK. That must have been so terrifying.”

TK couldn’t help his chin from quivering. He looked down, embarrassed that he couldn’t keep it together. He let out a sob and dropped his head into his hands.

Carlos pulled him into a tight embrace and TK buried his face into his neck.

They sat like this for a few minutes. Carlos held TK in silence as he released all the feelings he had been holding on to for the past few weeks. Carlos gently stroked the back of TK’s head as his shoulders shook with his sobs.

After a few long minutes had passed, TK pulled away, sniffling and wiping the tears from his face. His eyes were red and puffy. Carlos grabbed one of TK’s hand. TK noticed Carlos had been crying, too. He hated that he caused the people around him so much pain sometimes.

“God, I’m so sorry,” he muttered. “I don’t even know what happened.”

“Don’t apologize for anything, TK. Seriously,” Carlos said with such sincerity TK didn’t feel the need to argue. “Trauma is a bitch, whether or not it’s immediate.”

“I thought I would just always have this blankness in my mind surrounding that day. It was so frustrating to not be able to remember it. I didn’t think it would ever come back to me,” TK said. “Now I wish it hadn’t.”

“I totally get it. I wasn’t right there when it happened, but hearing that gunshot, knowing you guys were in there and then seeing them bring you out on a stretcher…” Carlos trailed off. “If it was that horrifying for me, I can’t even imagine what it was like for you.”

“It was so clear just now. I legitimately thought I was there. The pain, the blood, my Dad’s face when he realized what happened, it was so real.” There was a beat of silence. “But then you pulled me out of it,” TK continued. “Thank you.”

Carlos gave a small smile and squeezed TK’s hand.

“How are you feeling now? Any better?” he asked. TK nodded.

“Yeah. I feel like I’m back in reality again,” he answered.

Carlos stood up and walked around to sit back down on the couch next to TK. Carlos pulled him close.

“I am so sorry that happened. I’m glad you weren’t alone,” Carlos whispered. He gave TK a kiss on his forehead. “If you ever are alone and that happens again, you call me, okay? I don’t care where you are. I’ll be there.”

TK hoped it would never happen again, but he knew it didn’t always work that way. TK let himself relax into Carlos’ hold. He would deal with it when the time came.

In that moment, everything else seemed to fade away. The conversation TK had wanted to have before he fell asleep seemed incredibly inconsequential now. He was grateful for Carlos - every aspect of him. Maybe Carlos was being a little protective and insistent, but TK had a feeling a little extra distraction would be good for him, anyway. Maybe Carlos’ concern for him felt a little uncomfortable, but it was TK’s own insecurity that made him feel weak; Carlos only helped him feel strong again.

As Carlos lightly traced circles on TK’s arm, he began to drift again. This time, however, TK didn’t dream at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :) I don’t write very much, but I’ve read some great TK fanfics here recently and I’m so attached to the characters that I got inspired.
> 
> This is my first time posting something to AO3 so we'll see how that goes!  
> 


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